Obama's Shadowy Kindergarten Past

As the democratic race for president becomes more heated, the Clinton campaign has finally found the ultimate dirt with which to smear opponent Senator Barack Obama: his shady kindergarten record!

That’s right.  It appears that while in kindergarten, not only did Obama demonstrate solid math skills but he had the audacity to write an essay titled – are you sitting down? – “I Want to Become President.”

The Clinton web site printed a media release detailing the shocking accusation and revealing the name of the source itself – Obama’s kindergarten teacher, Iis Darmawan, 63.

Also on the Clinton web site:

Jimmy O’Brien, Senator Obama’s kindergarten classmate, recalled that during recess one day, Obama took on the role of “Mommy” while playing house – even though there were plenty of girls available to be the Mommy.  In his unwillingness to allow the female sex to ‘play,’ Senator Obama has displayed obvious sexist tendencies as well as the willingness to deprive women of their basic right to motherhood.

Maria Thomas, another classmate, told us that Senator Obama spent one afternoon crying in the corner for over half-an-hour.  Our Commander-in-Chief must be counted on in moments of extreme crisis to guide the welfare of our nation, not sit in the corner and cry like a sissy.  Hillary Clinton has never cried.

Rose Callahan revealed that Senator Obama also failed to show up to school one day.  His friends were told he was home sick with a “cold.”  The President of the United States of America must be prepared to demonstrate leadership at all times.  He or she cannot simply call in “sick” to work – especially with a condition as minor as the common cold.  Hillary Clinton has never had a cold.

Arthur Jones remembers the time when Obama actually defended the existence of Santa Claus to an older student.  Jones said, “He was really adamant about the fact he existed and that he had a workshop full of elves on the North Pole.”  Fabricating truths and boldly misleading his peers… where will the lies end?  Hillary Clinton promises to make a special effort this holiday season to counteract Obama’s Santa myth.

Finally, the school principal, Mr. Bill Witherspoon, confided that “I don’t really remember Barack Obama.  In fact, I can’t think of a single story to tell you.”  We cannot afford to trust the leadership of our country to an individual so obviously unmemorable.  In times of national crisis, do we want our enemies’ leaders asking, “Who is the president of the United States, again?”  You will never, ever, ever forget Hillary Clinton.  We promise.