A lot of Americans think Dick Cheney is the worst VEEP in U.S. history. Not only was he the chief architect of that wholly unnecessary clusterf*** known as the Iraq War, but he has led the assault on domestic civil liberties, advocated far greater secrecy in government, championed the torture of foreigners – but wait, waterboarding isn’t really torture, right? – pushed presidential absolutism and claimed that the Vice President isn’t part of the executive branch. Huh?
Even more horrifying to many, Cheney sprayed his geriatric hunting partner in the face and chest with birdshot pellets. So what if it was an accident? And then of course, there was the time when this paradigm of “family values” famously told Democratic Vermont Sen. Patrick Leahy – on the Senate floor no less – to “go F***” himself. Quite a Dick, that Cheney.
Americans of course, are rather famously anti-intellectual, and that just has to negatively impact their knowledge of their country’s history. While Cheney may indeed be the biggest Dick to ever be vice-president, a number of his predecessors – three in particular – give him a run for his money for the coveted title of Worst VEEP in U.S. History. And no – surprisingly enough, Murphy Brown – Dan Quayle isn’t one of them.
In reverse chronological order, then, here are three other U.S. No. 2’s who are widely considered to be major dicks too:
- Spiro Agnew, who served under the biggest Dick of them all – Nixon, that is – from Jan. 20, 1969 to Oct. 10, 1973. This self-appointed foe of the “nattering nabobs of negativism” – read “liberals” – was forced to resign in disgrace – becoming only the second U.S. VEEP to do so – after being criminally charged with tax evasion and money laundering. Upon his resignation, Agnew pleaded no contest to accepting $29,500 in bribes during his tenure as governor of Maryland. Agnew was fined $10,000 and put on three years' probation, a slap on the wrist that was mocked by former Maryland Attorney General Stephen Sachs as the "greatest deal since the Lord spared Isaac on the mountaintop." While publicly embarrassed by the scandal, Nixon was privately pleased since he was strongly opposed to Agnew’s presidential aspirations, which, post-resignation, were now out of the picture. "By any criteria he falls short," the president told his top domestic affairs advisor and fellow Watergate conspirator John Ehrlichman. "Energy? He doesn't work hard; he likes to play golf.” Presumably, that’s what Agnew spent much of his final years doing until his death in 1996 from leukemia.
- John C. Calhoun, who served as the nation’s seventh VEEP, first under John Quincy Adams (1825-1829) and then under Andrew Jackson (1829-1832), but who resigned the Vice Presidency to enter the Senate, where he had more power. Smart move, since we here at VicePresidents.com know better than most just how powerless being VEEP can be. So why is Calhoun considered such a crappy No. 2? Well, in opposition to tariffs approved by Congress and by Jackson, the vice president took his native South Carolina to the brink of secession, that’s why. Later, Jackson reportedly said he regretted not having strung Calhoun up from the nearest tree.
- Aaron Burr, who served as the nation’s third VEEP under Thomas Jefferson (1801-1805). While Dick Cheney shot but merely wounded his hunting partner, Vice President Burr shot and killed founding father Alexander Hamilton in a duel. As if that wasn’t bad enough, after leaving office, Burr connived to form a new nation involving the U.S.’s western holdings, but thankfully failed.
In summary, as repugnant were the actions of Agnew, Calhoun and Burr, they pale in comparison to Cheney’s and so we here at VicePresidents.com hereby crown him indeed the biggest Dick ever to serve as U.S. VEEP.
