Cheney's blog

Dear Diary,

As my reign begins to wind down, I’m beginning to notice that it’s the little things that make the world a more happier place.

Dear Diary,

I’m in great physical pain as I write this entry, dear diary. Every muscle, tendon, ligament is throbbing. I’m covered in Ben Gay from head to toe. How I got this way is a long, involved story. Let me explain.

Dear Diary,

I’m still dusting the sand off my clothes after my whirlwind tour of the Mideast. The travel was chaotic, the lines were long, the seats have no legroom and they don’t let you carry on your own baggage anymore. At least that’s what I heard were the grumblings of the media scum who followed me while I relaxed in my sky high jacuzzi aboard Air Force Two. Heh heh heh.

Dear Diary,

Had my yearly appointment with my accountant regarding this years tax returns. It was the usual meeting. He slid a blank piece of paper across the table to me and told me to write out how much I made last year. I thought for a moment and jotted down $18,500 and slid it back to him. He looked at it, put the paper in his pocket and we both laughed hysterically as we smoked Cuban cigars and drank sherry for the rest of the meeting.

Dear Diary,

Gas at four dollars a gallon!! Whoopeeee!!!! My bonus kicks in and I get one hundred million samolians from ExxonMobile, ConocoPhillips, BP, Amerada Hess, Shell, Sunoco, Marathon Oil, Vaalco Energy and the republican national committee. Each! That’s close to a billion dollars.